I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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