I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
