someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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