I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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