i was born a porn star she said
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
