i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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