just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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