I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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