Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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