it wasn't lemon gatorade
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Who died my cat blue again?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize