I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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