Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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