hell yes lets make some ravioli
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you bring me the toilet please
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
