i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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