took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
