I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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