well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
