Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
