We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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