That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
