so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
