Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
