used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
