Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
