An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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