Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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