youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
