nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
