We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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