She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
