obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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