Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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