if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize