i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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