The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
jump out the window naked night went bad
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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