FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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