I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
