This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
