I just saw a hot homeless man
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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