I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
