Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
