I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
