Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
