god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
