I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
