Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
