did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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