i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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