i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
