My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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