Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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