hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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