I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
