i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
