ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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