Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i drank out of a bidet.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
