I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
