I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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