Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
