my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
