I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
