If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
