ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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