look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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