Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
