Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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