omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
