It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
