absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
