Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
