she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
