I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
