i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
